I have the Death Cold… Here’s a silly review for you.

Seriously,  it sucks. Normally I don’t wuss out over colds, but this one is special. I almost cried when I found a can of vaporub in the cabinet earlier.

That said, despite my desire to remain roughly horizontal, I still need to make a post.

I have decided to review my vaporub, because I can’t think well enough to write something intelligent.  Please enjoy the result of my stupor…

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Generic vaporub: my savior
Earlier today I had to make a choice I didn’t want to make. Did I want to breathe through my right nostril, or my left. After switching off for several hours, I decided to poke through the medicine cabinet in search of relief.
I found it in a blue can with a green lid.
The texture of vaporub is gooey and unpleasant,  similar to Vaseline. It is translucent and colorless with a glossy look when applied.

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It feels thick and sticky on the skin, but does seem somewhat moisturizing.  The smell is refreshing but repellent, with a top note of menthol and a slightly camphorous eucalyptus base note. It could be described as “bracing”.
I applied the goo to my chest and throat,  and found myself engulfed in a fragrant cloud which I could feel entering my clogged sinuses. Lovely. Within a few moments I had recovered the use of both nostrils and was coughing much less. It had a pleasant cooling sensation as well, which was much less pleasant when accidentally applied to the inner corner of my eye. Given the resulting discomfort,  I cannot recommend this product as an eye cream.
As a scent, it has rather heavy sillage whic many people find unpleasant.  It is definitely a unisex fragrance, and is suited to any season. I do not recommend it as a date fragrance,  but it might be a good choice for test taking as it would keep you awake.

Pros:
Get a seat to yourself on the bus
Clear sinuses
Great moisturizing properties
Might get you out of work
Can double as muscle rub

Cons:
People may avoid you
People with clogged sinuses may sniff you
Greasy feel
Really sucks if it gets in your eye/nose/mouth/genital area. (I can only confirm the eye. The rest is conjecture.)

Overall: If you have a cold or are taking a bus somewhere, I highly recommend this product. If not, you may want to look elsewhere.

I hope you found this helpful.
Or at least amusing.
I’m going back to bed now.

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